Twins of Evil

Blu Ray Review

By Jessica Dwyer

Hammer Films took a new direction in the late 60s/early 70s.  It was breasts and blood aplenty and in plentiful amounts.  The beginning of this trend, which had already been a key coponent in the Hammer mix really hit its stride with the  release of The Vampire Lovers in 1970 which was also the introduction to Dracula’s successor in the land of the fang, Carmilla Karnstein.  With the success of the succubus that was Carmilla the studio saw a new way to spin an old tale, and so the Karnstein brood was the basis for a number of Hammer releases starting from that point on who’s focus was on sex and blood and lots of both.

Following his turn in The Vampire Lovers, Peter Cushing joined this rather unique entry in the Hammer library.  Cushing wasn’t quite a good guy nor a straight up bad guy.  In fact I would say Gustav Weil is probably the most grey morally character he played (or at least well up there.)  He burned young girls as witches without proof of guilt, all in the name of god.  It’s an interesting turn for Cushing and its worth buying this Blu Ray just to get those piercing eyes of his in full 1080p.

Twins of Evil is unique not only due to Cushing’s role, but also the films title character (which could be used as a double meaning if ever I’ve heard one.)  Mary and Madeline Collinson star as Maria and Frieda, twin orphans who go to live with their uncle, the witch burner.  While there Frieda falls under the spell of Count Karnstein, a descendant of Carmilla.  He doesn’t fall far from the tree, being cruel and heavily into devil worship and not minding who he kills in the process.  Eventually he brings back his great grandmother (or whatever she is…he doesn’t seem to mind as he makes out with her anyway) and is turned into a vampire just like her.  This film is different too in that it states only evil people can survive a vampires bite and become a vampire.  Well, Frieda is apparently the Twin of Evil as she’s turned into a bloodsucker.

Twins of Evil’s Blu Ray by Synapse Films is a must have for Hammer fans.  The transfer looks good and is far clearer than other versions of the movie I’ve seen.  I wish the colors were richer, but it is certainly an improvement over the regular DVD releases.   The extras on the release are excellent though.  The Flesh and Fury, an 84 minute new documentary follows the Karnstein films of Hammer and the changes the studio went through during those years.  There is also the Props That Hammer Built featurette, a motion still gallery, deleted scenes, TV spots, and an isolated music and effects track.  

If you are a fan of Hammer Films then you owe it to your collection to snag this release.  Currently Vampire Circus is also available from Synapse.

The Blu Ray release also comes with a regular DVD of the film ala a combo pack.  Synapse is following up this release with Hands of the Ripper and Countess Dracula (also Blu Ray and DVD combo packs.)   Twins of Evil is available now at the regular price of 29.95

Jaws The Blu Ray Review

By Jessica Dwyer

Funnily enough the Jaws Blu Ray is hitting right at the same time as Shark Week is gearing up on Discovery.  But I digress.

The Jaws Blu Ray release is something Jaws fans have been chomping at the chum for.  And the release doesn’t disappoint at all.  

The film itself has been lovingly restored and looks like it could have been released yesterday at a movie theater.  Its vivid and beautiful and I couldn’t be happier with it.    The sound quality is also top notch.  I mean, there’s really nothing else I can say…its a gorgeous Blu-ray transfer and you aren’t a true horror fan if you don’t pick it up.  The restoration for the release was meticulous and painstaking.  

One of the greatest extras is the long waited for “The Shark is Still Working” documentary.  The doc features interviews with the late Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss, and Steven Spielberg as well as tons of footage and interviews with people behind the scenes.  There are also interviews with the local residence of the seaside town where the film was made that also appeared in the film.  This is truly one of the best docs about the making of a movie and its effects I’ve seen.  I really enjoyed hearing the stories from the set as well as seeing just how ravenous Jaws fans are.   I particularly liked the story behind the poster and how the iconic image was created.

But that’s not the only extra on this release.  The original 2 hour making of Jaws documentary is included, Jaws: The Restoration about how the Blu-Ray came together is included too.  Deleted scenes and outtakes, storyboards, production photos, Marketing and the phenomena of the film itself featurettes are also included.  Basically this thing is packed to the gills (how many more shark jokes can I get into this review?)

There is also a Digital Copy Download included so you can carry your shark wherever you go.

The films Blu Ray release is part of Universal’s celebration of 100 years of making movies.  It just happens to be the year 1975 (which is the year I was born…great year.)    Jaws will be swimming onto Blu Ray DVD on August 14th with a list price of 29.98.

You’re gonna need a bigger TV.

Cabin In The Woods

Movie Review

By Jessica Dwyer

Cabin In The Woods was for a very long time the lost relic of the horror world.  A bankruptcy, a request for a conversion to 3D, and red tape delayed the release of the film for 3 years.  At one point no one knew if it would actually ever see the light of day or not.

The film was the return to horror for BuffyGod Joss Whedon and his partner in crime Drew Goddard who wrote the monster flick Cloverfield as well as produced and wrote several episodes of Angel, Buffy, Lost, and Alias.

While the plot of the film was vague and secretive we got the idea that this was going to be a “very different” take on the plot of kids going to a cabin deep in the woods and then being killed off one by one.

So horror fans waited…and waited…and finally (possibly due to the buzz of Whedon heading up one of the summer’s biggest films?) the movie was released on Friday the 13^th of 2012.

Cabin in the Woods takes all the wit and charm of what made the Buffyverse and all that it spawned so great and keeps it fresh and applies it to a subgenre in desperate need of something new.  It’s a brilliant concept and to describe it would ruin the film for you.  I want to keep this review spoiler free and I will.  So I’m going to talk around what happens.

Whedon and Goddard’s writing are really stand outs here.  The plot and idea behind the film is brilliant and has an original Scream like quality to it.  These guys know their subject matter and while the film has many funny moments there’s a darkness sliding along the surface that hits just right.

Goddard is a first time director, but that doesn’t matter here as the film is shot really well and he’s got a great sense of style that homages other films from the world of horror.  I really liked the look of the movie.

The cast was also spot on.  Kristen Connolly as Dana “The Virgin” was endearing and gives great “wide eyes”.  Chris Hemsworth (or as I call him Mini-Thor) was enjoyable as Curt “The Jock”.  Anna Hutchison as Jules “The Nympho” was fun and has probably one of the most memorable scenes in the film…you’ll know it when you see it.

But the true stand out in terms of “the kids” is Fran Kranz as Marty “The Stoner.”  He really steals the movie and it’s awesome to watch.  Those who are fans of the Whedonverse will know him from his stint on Dollhouse as the resident techie Topher.

Whedon and Goddard pull a few more actors from their troop with Amy Acker and Tom Lenk also on board in a nice bit of casting.  Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford give Kranz a run for his money though as the best part of the film in terms of character.  The two of them play off one another really well.

The gore and EFX are fun as hell and you’ll get to see lots of references to some things you’ll recognize if you are a horror fan.  So do yourself a favor and go see Cabin In The Woods.  So far its been my favorite movie of the year and it’s one of the most original fright flicks to come out in a long time.  Support new blood in horror and take a trip to the woods.

Terra Nova (or as I call it Ever Nova..the Everwood of dinosaurs)

Premiere Review

By Jessica Dwyer

Ah Terra Nova.  You would think combining things like dinosaurs, time travel, and Steven Spielberg would be a combination for something amazing.  It’s the stuff blockbuster films are made of right?  So a TV series with all these elements and the added bonus of Stephen Lang and his mighty biceps of doom should be even better…right?  I mean we’re going to get to see things like dinosaurs having to face off against humans with futuristic weapons in a fight for survival because this is the only way humanity is going to make it.  Right? 

Well…sort of but not really.

Terra Nova at its core is a neat concept but nothing original.  In the future humanity has managed to wreck the planet (Avatar much?)  so thanks to the handy dandy discovery of a rift in time (which is supposedly an alternate timeline so humanity going back in time to the days of dinosaurs with all of their advanced weapons doesn’t screw anything up…yeah think on that) mankind can go to a clean and safe environment (except for the giant leeches and even bigger dinosaurs that are walking around wanting to either eat you or stomp on you.)   

 Reading this you would think it would be something along the lines of a survivalist sci-fi action fans wet dream.  But for whatever reason the shows creators and writers went with a different sort of vision.  The decided that there wasn’t enough teen angst and family drama on television and so, Terra Nova becomes Everwood with Dinosaurs.  The characters are so bland and uninteresting I’m not going to even name them…they are going by the titles Dad, Mom, Older Daughter, Older Son, and Young Daughter.

 Our main characters are a family who have three kids, two teens (a boy and a girl) and a young toddler daughter.  This is bad family planning though as in the future we are limited to only two children.  They hide the little girl in a venting duct (no really) when population checks happen.  This apparently has worked for 3 years (how we have no idea.)  The father is a cop and the mother is a doctor…so maybe a blind eye was given to them due to their “status.”  Their apartment looks tiny, so why they felt the need for a wailing toddler I have no idea.  I’m also wondering how mommy and daddy got alone time to make said child since the room looks like they’d be stacked on top of one another.

 But I digress.  Dad gets ticked at the man who finds his extra kid and decks him.  He winds up in jail.  Flash forward two years later and somehow mom is loaded (this is never explained…she has a LOT of money now but before they seemed to be living in a run down apartment building with like one room)  Mom shows up and bribes a guard and somehow she smuggles in to her husband a super compact thumb drive laser inside a breathing mask.  Because they wouldn’t have super high tech scanners that could detect that sort of thing in the future.  It’s while she’s visiting that she tells she’s been chosen to be part of the Terra Nova project since they need doctors.  Only she and her two legal kids are being allowed to go through the magic rift of time to the new utopia of Jurassic Park though, but (wink wink) there’s always a way.

 Dad escapes in a sequence we don’t see.  Mom is a smart little smuggler and has managed to get him a fake ID, even more money for bribes and a super hefty sized backpack.   In a long and drawn out sequence we are forced to watch (supposedly to create tension) Dad is reunited on the other side with his family and the giant backpack which holds his now 5 year old daughter. 

No joke, he was lugging the kid around on his back, jumping through portals and risking getting shot.  We have no idea where the kid has been or how mom got her smuggled into a backpack either.   We just go with the flow down the fracture and into DinoLand.

 If you are like me, only like twenty minutes in (honestly that’s how fast they got us through all of this) you’re already rooting for Team Dino.   And you really start rooting for Team Dino once the teen angst starts out of the blue.  The Son is bitchy because he left behind his girlfriend (the trip to the past is a one way deal)  and he suddenly blames his dad for everything.  He decides to rebel…by hooking up with a new girl the first day through.  Long mourning period.

 Stephen Lang is introduced telling everyone a big pretty welcome speech while also subconsciously saying “Jessica look at my arms.  Keep looking because they are far more interesting than the rest of this show is.”  He’s basically the nicer twin brother of his character in Avatar.  

 The Older Daughter is apparently a science geek (and surprise…socially awkward.)  And within moments of being there it seems that the young daughter is the DinoWhisperer.  Instead of freaking out when she sees giant mammoth lizards she feeds them and they actually eat right out of her hand (try this with a raptor.  Please..)  

Oh and that’s the other thing…Terra Nova’s settlement is encircled by a pretty tall fence but there’s no top cover.  So the really tall (thankfully vegetarian) dinos can reach their heads right down and eat out of the little girls hand.  Does anyone else see the issue here? 

 Things happen…more teen whining….and we find out that there is an offshoot of the settlers who decided to rebel and run off on their own because they didn’t agree with how things were ran.  This group is led by a (gasp!  shock!) tall, beautiful, African American woman with long braided hair.  Zoe Saldana wannabe is the enemy of Stephen Lang!  SURPRISE!  She’s strong and confident and a warrior!   She wants her freedom!   (so do I at this point.)

 So as we plod through this lame mess we come the major plot point of the episode.  Older Son decides to rebel as stated, and the way he does this is he hooks up with the Party of Five who are teenagers living alone with the HotGirl.  They do things that are daring like go out into the jungle alone so they can brew their booze.  Using Fruts  (actual line “they’re like part fruit and part nut…so I call them Fruts.”  The kiddies have put together a still in the jungle.  So  basically the entire second half of premiere is about the perils of teen drinking. 

 Seriously.

 Wish I was joking.

 In a bit of parable writing that would make Stephanie Meyer envious, Older Son and his rebellious friends wind up outside with giant bloodthirsty dinosaurs trying to eat them while they are trapped in a vehicle.  Its up to Stephen Lang’s mighty biceps and Dad to save the day.  And somehow this happens even though one of the kids is Quint’d out of the vehicle and dangled by his leg (which remains attached even though there should have only been the memory of a knee cap there.)  One of the annoying teens ran through the jungle in the dark of night and only wound up with scratches.  Just…I can’t…my brain…it hurts.  All because they needed to make themselves some booze.

 There is only one dino related casualty in the show and it happens during a chase scene.  Stephen Lang at this point flexes…hehehehe…his acting muscles and decides to face down one of the big lizards.  I was all set for him to punch the thing in the face, but that doesn’t happen.  It should have but didn’t.  Instead he hops back into his transport and gets back into the sort of safe but not really settlement.

 So…Terra Nova…as I suspected is trying to jump on and leech off (yes, leech humor) Avatars popularity by casting the best actor in the film in the series and then ripping off parts of the film in other ways.  But the thing is, Avatar wasn’t exactly an original movie and neither is Terra Nova at all original.  So imagine what you get when you try to add that to already recycled material?  What made Avatar fun and took it above the rehash of plot were the exciting parts.  The pretty that James Cameron brought to it.   Terra Nova manages to even screw the pretty up by having horrible green screen and mediocre EFX. 

 Terra Nova does nothing to add much in the way of action either.  The action is lame when it happens, and has nothing special in the way of style.  And that’s surprising considering one of the main guys from 24 is writing these episodes.  What we get is a bunch of characters who are as bland and generic as we could have asked for and a bunch of teen drama that is out of place here.  The demographic that Terra Nova was supposed to be gunning for (the geeks like myself) don’t want teen drama.  We want action and cool sci-fi with dinosaurs eating people.  Seriously.  That’s what I was promised, not Dawson’s Crustacean.  I want BIG DINOSAURS AND GRIZZLED BUFF SOLIDER GUYS PUNCHING THEM IN THE FACE!

SEE EXAMPLE ABOVE

 My best guess here is that it will last six episodes before FOX pulls the plug.  The show is expensive to produce (although where the budget goes I’m not sure) and already viewers are letting their displeasure be known.  Avoid Terra Nova and if you want to watch a fun show about scientists taking on dinosaurs check out the great BBC series Primeval on Netflix streaming.  You won’t be sorry.

Return to Woodsboro

Scream 4: Movie Review

By Jessica Dwyer

It’s been a while since we’ve visited the town of Woodsboro, CA.   The town where Stu and Billy took to offing their fellow students for the more scary reason of…no reason. 

The original Scream was and still is one of the best slasher flicks of the last twenty plus years.  It spoke to horror fans and had a brain.  It didn’t pander, it was well written, and Craven gave the film a great look and feel throughout.   The actors were believable and there was a sort of menace that coated everything.

Then came the 2^nd and 3^rd entries into the franchise and things started going downhill.  The films were becoming parodies of themselves and not in a good way.  The self-referencing went over the top in the third film to the point of annoyance.   And we just won’t speak of Jerry O’Connell and his breaking out in song in Part 2.  

Out of 2 and 3, 2 I would have to say was the better of the original trilogy.  But there was something lacking there.   Kevin Williamson, the man who scribed the first film wrote 2 and that was part of the reason no doubt it stood up a bit better than the third film.  The scenes from STAB were also enjoyable (directed by Robert Rodriguez and doing a great job of doing a flattened Hollywood version of the first films events.) 

But the third film was just a floundering mess and it hurt the series.  While the twist of who the new killer was and his influence on everything leading up to that point was interesting, it had all become cartoony.   Over the top acting by Parker Posey as Gail Weathers 2.0 didn’t help things nor did distracting cameos by Carrie Fischer and Jay and Silent Bob.  And while maybe that was the point, to show a stylized version of Hollywood…that wasn’t what made the first film great.  That time around Kevin Williamson wasn’t penning the script, Ehren Kruger (no relation) was the story maker.

Now eleven years later we return to where it all began, to Woodsboro and to Williamson and Craven once again partnering to bring Ghost Face and his victims back to the silver screen with Scre4m ß actual name. 

Sidney Prescott returns to her hometown as the first stop of her book tour.  We discover that while Sidney has become a prolific writer, Gail Weathers (who has married Dewey, the now sheriff of Woodsboro) has lost her knack for the printed word.  It’s been 10 years and nothing has happened Ghost Face related other than a plethora of Stab sequels.  But when Sidney comes to town things start the familiar path of slaughter.  Who is it behind the murders that are happening fast and furious?  Her younger cousin and her friends are being stalked as Ghost Face tries to show Sidney she’ll never be free of him or her past.

 Scre4m gets some good yet predictable jabs in at the new breed of horror films.  Torture porn takes it on the chin as do remakes.  This is more of that self-aware state of mind that the Scream franchise is known for. 

There are some ingenious parts that happen at the very beginning of the film and include a couple of cameos (not quite as jarring and more understandable than Princess Leia) by Anna Paquin and Kristen Bell.   And there are some well-done set pieces for the murders that work well.  In fact I will agree with many of the people out there who have already seen the film that it feels more like a direct sequel to the first movie than either of the first two sequels do.  Scre4m looks more like the first and feels more like the first.  The scare quotient is better and so is the acting, at least in some instances.

But Scre4m has some major problems that cause we, the eager audience, to not connect with it, at least in my case.  And that lack of connection comes to the fore with Emma Roberts who plays Sidney’s cousin Jill (who we’ve never ever heard of before this film.)  Robert’s performance has nowhere near the empathy inspiring levels that Neve Campbell’s did in the original Scream.  You actually gave a damn about Sidney and you could believe her as a regular, everyday teenager.  Robert’s came off like a stick of wood with some long hair attached.  I just didn’t care about her, and in fact when the film veer’d off to focus on her I got annoyed.  And boy, towards the end do you really wish she was someone else. 

In fact the “new generation” were as a whole uninteresting and boring.  The only ones who came off with some sort of personality were the movie geeks, and neither of them were as fun as Randy.  Nico Tortorella as Jill’s boyfriend Trevor is as bland as could be and Hayden Panettiere, while probably the best of the newbie actresses in the film, just doesn’t really click to me as the horror movie geek she’s supposed to be.  It all seemed off.

And that’s really the main problem with Scre4m, it seems off.  While the awkwardness of watching Courtney Cox and David Arquette’s characters talk about how their marriage is on the rocks is no doubt part of that off feeling, the core of it is the fact that what made the first Scream so good is missing.  Scre4m’s big twist of an ending borrows heavily from the third film but with even less reasoning.  And it’s message of what “new celebrity” is gets old fast.  The killer filming his murders is also nothing new, having been done in not only one of the worst Halloween sequels ever made, but done far better in The Poughkeepsie Tapes. 

Scream still holds up to this day, something that cannot be said about its schizophrenic brothers 2-4.   Great characters that were believable along with a witty and unforced script and some great visuals and style by Craven created a classic.  And so far nothing has been able to compare to it that has come since.  But really, I think Billy and Stu said it best in the first film.  It’s a lot scarier when there’s no motive.

I also have to put a lot of blame on the studio in regards to Scre4m awful take at the box office though.  The Weinstein Company/Dimension Films did hardly anything to promote this release.   It seemed like with the final week to go they started scrambling to try and do some promotion.  But having Ghost Face on the cover of EW the week your movie is coming out is hardly promoting your film.  In fact, the only person who seemed to be doing anything to get the word out was Wes Craven himself on Twitter.  Good job minions of Bob and Harvey.  I think I could count on one hand how many ads I saw for Scre4m on TV. 

So between the weak story and even weaker efforts by the studio to do anything with the franchise I sadly think this is the last trip to Woodsboro we’ll see for a while, if not forever.  Money is the coin of the realm in Hollywood and with the lackluster return of around 8 million bucks for an opening I think we’ve been stabbed for the last time.

 And lest we forget

Well, that was something.

Hanna

Movie Review

By Jessica Dwyer

 So yes, I saw the movie Hanna.  And I’m still not quite sure what it was I saw.  Sadly, that’s the outcome of the last two films I’ve seen over the last few days. 

Hanna is directed by Joe Wright, a man who looks a lot like Rufus Sewell.  But that’s beside the point.  Joe makes very pretty movies.  Usually they star Keira Knightley.  But that’s also beside the point.  This one stars Eric Bana, Kate Blanchett, and Saoirse Ronan (who co-starred in one of those Keira flicks, Atonement.  Joe likes to use the same gals in his films.)

Hanna has some beautiful shots and some great camera work.  It is also so bizarrely played out and filled to the breaking point with strange and oddball characters seemingly for the effect of having strange and oddball characters.  The weirdness level is pushed so hard and forced that it’s stupid.  It’s like they wanted to channel David Lynch but snagged Uwe Boll instead. 

The story follows Hanna, a girl who can kick your ass, my ass, and maybe even The Rock’s ass.  She’s around 16 years old and her father has kept her in the woods, hidden from everyone (especially his ex-boss) her entire life.  She’s never even seen electricity.  He’s taught her how to fight, kill, live off the land, and about whales. 

Hanna has gotten to the point she wants to know about the world and her past, as well as the death of her mother.  And so begins Hanna’s trip through the modern world and her quest for vengeance.

What the trailer doesn’t show you are the cartoon like characters that litter the landscape of Hanna and how mind numbingly long and drawn out the film is.  I get artistic design and I can appreciate it.  But what many people have been saying about how this film is an “art house action film” have obviously never seen The Professional.  You can have beautiful shots and scenes etc. without having to subject an audience to long and drawn out, no dialog filler that really add nothing at all to the film itself. 

Hanna comes off forced.  The weirdness of characters for the sake of being strange and the faux art house aspects when mixed with the few action scenes (most of the film involves people running…lots and lots of running) comes off as a big jumbled mess with some plot holes you could fall into and not ever find your way back out of even with a mag-light and a GPS.

We’ve got kooky, strange Germans running around (I was waiting for the words “touch my monkey” to be spoken,) we have a federal agent who has an obsession with her teeth and close ups of her bleeding gums, and then we have Hanna and her equally 16 year old girl friend experimenting with some lesbian relationship while her friends seven year old brother spies on them.  I just don’t know what the point of it was?  Actually I do think I understand that one, but isn’t Hanna supposed to be above that sort of pandering?

A thirty million dollar budget is what this was supposed to have.  But  thinking back on the film, I’m trying to figure out where that money went; sort of like I’m still trying to figure out what I was supposed to take away from the film itself. 

Truthfully I was disappointed.  Maybe this was all my fault because I went in hoping for a Hit Girl meets Bourne Identity movie.  What I got was…well…something else.  But maybe my anger and disappointment should be focused at the trailer that promised me that.  Mr. Trailer Maker, you sir are a liar.

Final judgment:  Hanna didn’t hit my heart, she just sort of wounded me and left me to die a long and drawn out death.

Sucker Punch

Movie Review

By Jessica Dwyer

BEWARE SPOILERS….SERIOUSLY…

I can’t keep this review spoiler free…simply because to fully grasp the mess that is Sucker Punch you have to know all the many dull facets of the jewel that mar Zack Snyder’s crown of cool.

If you’ve seen the trailer you’ve pretty much seen exactly what this movie is.  A convoluted pretty spin art mass of things all tossed together and trying to be a deep psychological and spiritual piece of work.  What it is though is a Spice Girls movie that was slipped a really high grade form of acid and date raped by Inception and his brother Shutter Island.  Really, I wish I was making that up.  The lead character played by Emily Browning looks like Baby Spice, right down to the pigtails.  Her name is Baby Doll.  You do the math.

Zack doesn’t waste time with character development.  We plow right into the slow motion drama with the night Baby Doll accidentally kills her sister, right after her mom dies and her step-dad decides it’s time to diddle the daughters.  We never find out sis’s name, that’s not important.  What’s important is that even though she’s killed her sister and is over 18 (she’s 20) step-dad can circumvent the cops and take her straight to the loony bin with no one questioning anything.  But I’ll give the film benefit of the doubt at this point since it’s a movie and I want to see cool shit on screen.  And so far it is very pretty.

Apparently at the loony bin we have an orderly that makes Ben Stiller’s from Happy Gilmore seem like a saint.  Oscar Isaac play’s Blue Jones, the orderly who can apparently forge any signature and gets his kicks by getting pretty girls lobotomies for money.  He could also be called Snidely Whiplash and I wouldn’t be surprised by how over the top they make him.  But even more hit you over the head is the way Snyder shoves down your throat Baby Doll’s walk into the asylum and making sure you notice the many items which will be required later on for her quest of…escape?  Self-Discovery?  The Power of Interpretive Dance?  I’m not quite sure what…but we’re going to find out, and I mean SOON.

As I said character development goes out the window and so does some quick montage action as we see Baby Doll cleaning, crying, and getting head shrinked.   And then suddenly…IT’S MOULIN ROUGE!  Seriously we go from a possible lobotomy to the girls acting it out on stage and being some weird dance troupe whorehouse girl band.  We’re introduced briefly before this first level of Inception to Carla Guigno as a polish doctor with a heavy accent (and even heavier make-up) who uses music therapy and a stage to let the girls act out their psychosis.  Yeah, I’m not sure what’s going on either at this point.

So the first level of Inception will be called Moulin Rouge because I’m not sure what the heck it’s supposed to be.  While in Moulin Rouge we discover Baby Doll is supposedly an orphan (I guess pedo step-dad doesn’t count) and that Blue the Orderly is actually a pimp now (along with Snidely mustache) and his co-madam is Vera (Carla’s polish gal.)  We’re introduced very quickly to the rest of the band.  Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish,) her sister Rocket (Jena Malone doing a sort of hybrid Lori Petty,) Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens who’s not doing so hot with her attempts to break free from Disney between this and Beastly) and Amber (Jamie Chung).   So the girls dance and although never come right out and have it said are obviously turning tricks and stuck with the evil orderly.  Why isn’t important.  But this alternate reality is what we’re stuck with so let’s just go with it.

So it’s Baby Doll’s turn to show what she’s got on the dance floor since the “dancers” are what apparently earn Snidely and Silk Specter their cash.  Baby Doll can’t dance until the Specter gives her some words of advice.  We never see Baby Doll actually dance, but apparently its so mind bendingly spectacular that it rips a hole in the fabric of space and time and BRAAAAHHHMMM  we’re into a second level of Inception.  No really.

In this level of the dream world (we’ll call it Tarantino’s Wet Dream or TWD for short) Baby Doll meets up with Scott Glenn (who would have been David Carradine if not for, you know, his death.)  We never find out who the hell Glenn is supposed to be (he’s called Wise Man…descriptive.)  But Carradine 2.0 shows up throughout the TWD world (as you know he would) and gives advice to our Spice Girls as they battle their way through every fantasy and sci-fi tableau Zack could cram into his 70 million dollar budget.  And he could cram a lot.   Each battle is supposed to garner the band another item they need in order to escape while slow motion walking into battle and shooting things.

Over the course of the next two quarters of the movie we are shown the Spice Girls fighting clock-work zombie Nazis, Dragons, and robots.  I’m probably forgetting something else they blew up but I was busy trying to keep my ears from bleeding by shoving popcorn into them.   That doesn’t work by the way…and it hurts. 

Character development?  We don’t need no stinking character development?  Coherent plot?  What’s that?  The last quarter of the movie it seems like Zack ran out of ideas and so we suddenly have most of the cast shot to death in quick succession.  And then…it’s over and Leonardo DiCaprio is left wondering why he didn’t get the dream within a dream lobotomy movie with the hot young girls in short skirts.  Trust me Leo, you got the right movies. 

I went into Sucker Punch knowing that it was either going to be gloriously awesome or a big fat mess.  I got big fat mess.  Granted it was a pretty mess.  But even I have my limits.  Maybe if the theater hadn’t had the sound to the point I felt my eyes slamming into the back of my skull during the Dragon sequence (or most any part of the film) I might have taken it better.  But I doubt it. 

I see in parts what Zack and company were going for.  But they missed not only the mark but the whole damn target.  The style ate and spat out the substance into a gooey pile and that is a shame.  Zack Snyder has a flare for film with flicks like 300 and Watchmen as well as Dawn of the Dead.  But with his own original material it feels like he doesn’t know how to give depth to anything.  There’s just a really pretty slow motion sheen to it all.  And that’s about it.  And did I mention LOUD!!  CAUSE IT IS REALLY LOUD! DID YOU NOTICE THE SLOW MOTION?  HOW ABOUT THE EXPLOSIONS?!  NO ? WELL LISTEN!!!

I do have to say though that the soundtrack is amazing.  Emily Browning actually sings on it as well.  There’s some beautiful music which actually conveys more emotion than the film itself. 

Go buy the soundtrack and skip the movie.

Drive Angry
Movie Review

By Jessica Dwyer

I love Nic Cage. I’m not gonna lie. People seem to either love him or hate him, but I for one am a Cage Believer. He never fails to entertain me. And I truly like the guy…he’s a big fanboy and I’d give my left arm for a chance to see his comic book collection.

I enjoyed his last film, Season of the Witch (ironic that Tom Atkins was in Drive Angry now that I think of it) even though Cage was probably more subdued in that film than any other he’s done in the last few years. But Drive Angry gives Nic a chance to showcase that which we love him for the most…going ape shit crazy, driving fast, and blowing stuff (and people) up.

Drive Angry is a throwback Hard R action/horror flick that gives many a nod to Grindhouse films of the past. There is gratuitous amounts of violence, sex, and lots of fast cars. There’s also a Winnebago harkening back to Race with the Devil that, not surprisingly, is part of a major car chase in the movie.

The plot is basic with Cage’s character Milton (think Paradise Lost) escaping from hell to take revenge on the cult leader who killed his daughter and plans on sacrificing his granddaughter (Billy Burke plays the cult leader, he who is Bella’s daddy from Twilight…this film would have been perfect if the cultists were named The Twihards.) William Fichtner plays the demon who has to bring Cage back to hell (and he’s probably one of the top reasons to see the movie as he just look like he’s having way too much fun telling people when they are going to die.) Amber Heard is the waitress named Piper who can kick as much ass as the boys can as she teams up with Milton to save his grand baby.

There is no sort of preamble to the movie, it starts out and doesn’t stop. The characters have no time to develop so they are set up from the moment they arrive on screen as very over the top in who they are supposed to be. So if you are looking for depth, you won’t find it here. And that’s not what this movie is about. It’s about fun and crazy and having a good time rooting on the anti-hero while he takes down the bad guys. I do have to say I like the take they have on hell though (and that Satan is really a reserved and quiet warden of a big prison.) It’s surprisingly well thought out and inventive.

The 3D is also well done, as this is from the team that brought us My Bloody Valentine 3D (which I also enjoyed.) The film was made for 3D, not retrofitted later on. So you won’t have a Clash of the Titans experience here.
Tom Atkins, he of My Bloody Valentine 3D and a horror legend shows up as a lawman out to stop Milton. I cheered when he walked on screen. David Morse is also on board, one of the more underrated character actors around I think.

Drive Angry won’t be for everyone. But if you are fan of crazy, unapologetic, R-rated action films that don’t take themselves seriously and are just there to enjoy, I think you should go. I love that sort of movie when they are done well, and this was a fun ride pure and simple. Great visuals and Fichtner stealing every scene he’s in while Cage delivers the crazy. Go see it and have a blast.

Tron Legacy

Greetings Programs

By Jessica Dwyer

It’s a gamble and a half; making a sequel to film that was a commercial failure when it was released over 25 years ago but over those years became a cult classic and the stuff of geek legend.  But Disney decided to gamble, getting the two lead actors back into their original roles and using state of the art technology to recreate a world that hadn’t been seen  since the days of Space Invaders and Pac Man.  Not only that, but this time the world of the computer grid would be seen in 3D, pulling us users in even deeper.

So does this gamble pay off and does Tron live up to the salivating geek desire for another trip down the digital rabbit hole?  As my pal Bit would say, YES.

Tron Legacy is not only eye candy of the first degree; it holds within it some very deep emotions regarding fathers and sons, morality and the spiritual, and man’s pursuit for the unattainable.  Plus it’s just fracking cool.

There are some surprises in the movie that I will not ruin for you.  The trailers have given away the main plot points which are that Kevin Flynn has been trapped in the grid for years and is discovered by his son Sam after he gets pulled into the land of the game grid his father created.  It’s also shown that Clu, Flynn’s doppelganger of a program has gone bad (evident by the evil glow of red/orange he has.)

The acting by the newcomers to the story, Olivia Wilde and Garrett Hedlund is enjoyable.  Wilde plays the wide eyed innocent program Quorra well.  Hedlund is his father’s son, being a very cocky adrenaline junkie who follows in daddy’s footsteps in more ways than one.

But Bridges rocks this movie.  His younger self is creepily well done, with only a few shots looking off or strange.   When Bridges plays his older self he’s very much in his element, bringing a bit of The Dude to the game.  He also shows some sweetly touching moments when it comes to Sam and his tortured soul for what he blames himself for as it is his creation that has taken over the digital world.

The action sequences are beautiful as are all the digital effects.  Daft Punks score accompanies all the scenes perfectly too.  I can’t speak enough about how cool it is to see the light cycles again.

The little touches here and there harkening back to the first film are nice.  If you’re a fan then you notice them immediately and they will make you smile.  I’m with Bruce Boxleitner who got a bit choked up at some points when he first watched the entire film.  It’s sort of amazing to think that the fans of Tron kept that spark alive to the point that they made this.  Not just a direct to video follow up, but a fully formed, fully fledged blockbuster.

Tron Legacy speaks to a legacy that the first film really left us children of the 80’s.   We were the arcade generation, the computer geeks who knew even back then how big a deal the digital world would be.  As kids this movie broke a whole new landscape wide open for us.  Even if the theaters didn’t keep it playing for very long, the laser discs and VHS machines did.  Technology kept Tron going, not surprisingly, and so did the very geeks it inspired by showing that geeks and science nerds could be heroes. 

Go see Tron Legacy and enjoy the walk back through memory lane and the detour into a crazy view of what could be our future.

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The Tourist

Movie Review

Written by Jessica Dwyer

Johnny Depp has said on occasion that he is terrified of romantic comedies. He hates the very thought. I can’t blame him. The idea Hollywood has of what a romantic comedy is nowadays usually involves Katherine Heigl being screechy and pregnant or with a child of some sort or maybe Jennifer Aniston being screechy and either scorned or fought over by two guys who should know better. The formulae has been set in stone now and it’s awful.

Back in the 30s and 40s romance and comedy could mix together with an actual plot and a healthy dose of class as well as mystery. Cary Grant, William Powell, these were the guys who could make that happen on screen. There was never anything overt or uncouth. It was all about being smooth and smart and savvy (to use a favorite word.)

There have been some movies that harkens back to those flicks over the years, but The Tourist is an unabashed attempt at trying to bring back to the screen that type of film. A remake of the French film “Anthony Zimmer”, the tourist takes two of Hollywood’s biggest heavy hitters and instead of making a massive blockbuster action epic creates a fun and witty throwback to old school class. This is even more interesting to realize when the original film was actually made in 2005.

The story is surprisingly simple given the films marketing which I think is being done wrong. Depp’s everyman Frank meets Jolie as the mysterious Elise on a train. She’s been told by her absent lover to find a man to double for him so they can avoid the mobsters he stole 2 billion dollars from and the agents out to nab him for financial fraud. But that’s secondary to the beautiful scenery in Venice and the play between Jolie and Depp.

The Tourist isn’t a major action film as its being advertised. It has more of what I would call a European feel to its pacing and storytelling, which is fine and a welcome change. Dry wit, understated humor all by Depp is great. He plays the role just as I think it should be, with a sense of awkwardness and seeming innocence. Jolie is beautiful, but boy did they put the make-up on her. She doesn’t have to stretch to play Elise, but it’s clear she’s having fun while she’s doing it.

The supporting cast is also great, with Paul Bettany and Timothy Dalton as the agents on the pairs trail as well as Rufus Sewell showing up when needed. But third billing really should go to Venice. The locals are beautiful and so is the music by James Howard. Colleen Atwood once again does an amazing job with the clothes, keeping Depp and Jolie in some classy costumes.

That’s really the best way to sum up The Tourist. It’s classy and fun. I was amazed after hearing about there being some REALLY steamy scenes in the flick (rumors of wall sex were abounded.) But I was happy to see that wasn’t the case. The movie is a class act all the way through and makes me realize now why the stories are popping up about Johnny Depp wanting to do a remake of The Thin Man. After seeing how well he does in this type of role, I heartily support him.

Check out The Tourist but don’t go in thinking it’s going to be Salt 2.0, or that Johnny Depp will be channeling Jack Sparrow. This is old school and I’m happy to go back to class.